


Reverence

by DetectiveBiggs98, levi_trashh



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Crack, Gen, Humor, This isn't meant to be taken seriously, and a hidden one too, destroying trade shops, fourth wall breaks, honoring the dead, lots and lots of crack, shovels, so much crack you'll forget about what's going on in the manga, there's a half joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6866800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DetectiveBiggs98/pseuds/DetectiveBiggs98, https://archiveofourown.org/users/levi_trashh/pseuds/levi_trashh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every year the Scouting Corps throws a party in honor of their dead comrades. But they always, without fail, end up getting out of hand. This year, the Cadets get to join in on the fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reverence

“A party?” Armin asked, dunking his rag into a bucket of water and ringing it.

“Yeah,” Eren said, standing on his toes as he dusted the top of the dresser, “The Scouting Corps throw one each year in honor of the dead or something.”

“That’s nice of them.” He hummed, scrubbing the weathered floorboards.

“Yeah, apparently they always end up getting out of hand. Remember last year, in Shiganshina, when Benny’s trade shop got completely demolished? That was the Scouts.”

Armin pushed his weight onto his arms, whipping around to see Eren. Only, he hadn’t accounted for the wet rag, and it shot forward, his arm along with it.

His face smashed into the murky water. Groaning, he sat up, a hand over his throbbing nose. “T-That was the Scouts? His shop was burned to the ground…”

Eren lowered his head, heated whisper brimming with child-like mischief. “It wasn’t just _any_ Scouts either, it was--”

“Stop chatting and start cleaning,” Levi snapped from the doorway. “You won’t be going if you shitty brats can’t finish in time.”

Armin caught a glimpse of the end of a mop as the Corporal moved on. Eren went back to dusting without batting an eyelash.

With a sigh, Armin retrieved his rag. He still wasn’t used to Levi.

By the time they’d finished, the sun was setting, making the wet floor sparkle pink and orange.

Armin collapsed, head hanging in exhaustion. “Finally finished.”

“Not yet,” Eren said, padding into the hallway. “Still gotta wipe down the table.”

Armin released a long sigh, feeling the life exit his body alongside it.

“I got this, you can start grabbing the supplies.” Eren told him.

Armin nodded, gathering their cleaning supplies and returning them to the closet they’d dubbed “Levi’s Happy Place”. When he returned the mahogany desk shined.

“Time for the party. You guys done?” Mikasa asked, leaning against the doorway.

He nodded, and they followed her, Eren closing the door on his way out.

The cafeteria was twice it’s normal size since the tables had been pushed against the walls. Bread and alcohol decorated them, and a large bowl of punch sat in the middle. The cadets were huddled around there, while the Veterans were in the corner with their backs to the crowd.

“So, should we--?” He broke off when he saw Eren already joining the others, Mikasa at his shoulder.

“Hey! Wait up!!” He scampered after them, ignoring the annoyed glares the adults shot him.

As he drew closer, however, he realized something was wrong.

He slowed his pace, until he’d frozen several feet to the side.

“Check it out, I’m Sasha!!” Connie cried, shoving mangos inside his shirt. “I like to eat potatoes and I just ripped a giant fart!!”

“You--!! You, Connie just...” She broke off into a fit of laughter so loud it rang in his ears. “Connie’s a girl now!!”

Mikasa flashed Eren a frown. He shrugged.

“Hey~! Mikasa~a~a~a!!” Jean slurred, throwing his arm over her shoulder. “Yer lips look lone~ly let me kiss ‘em com~pan~y.”

Mikasa took his wrist and twisted it behind his back.

“Oh, Mikas~a~a,” He groaned. “I’ll never wash my arm again~. O~hh~hhh!!”

Mikasa planted her foot firmly on his back, and sent him tumbling across the floor. He didn’t move.

Armin blinked. Why were they acting like this? His gaze travelled from Connie to Sasha, to the cups in their hands. Then to the cup lying on the floor by Jean’s mangled body. Red liquid oozed out, soaking the ends of his hair.

 

He turned to the punch bowl, watching as Eren took the ladle in his hand, pouring a red liquid into his cup. They’d been here a considerably longer time than Armin and his friends had judging from the cozy atmosphere. They all had punch. They all were acting strange.

He scanned the crowd, noticing the little things he’d missed before.

The man puking his guts out in the corner, a cup in his hand. The couple getting hot and heavy against the table. How everyone didn’t seem to see; too occupied dancing and shouting.

 

Eren raised the cup. They all had punch. The cup inched closer. They all were acting strange. The cup touched his lips.

 

Armin leapt forward, smacking the cup so hard you could hear it echo throughout the cafeteria.

Eren’s eyes went round, and boots clicked the floor as Levi walked over.

“What the fuck was that, shitty brat?”

“Corporal Levi sir,” Armin said urgently. “The punch appears to be spiked!”

A face appeared over Levi’s shoulder, “Aww. I wanted to know how a drunk titan would act!!”

“Shitty glasses, what did I tell you about getting the cadets drunk? I don’t want their hormonal bodies having sex and getting semen all over my clean floors.” He glanced at the table, spotting the couple making out. “OI! You two, get off my clean table!” He dashed to them, pulling the male off and shoving him into the crowd.

Eren sighed as he watched Levi stomp back to them.

Erwin joined him, grabbing Levi’s shoulders and shaking him back and forth. “Where’d you go, L~evii!! I was waiting for you! But, you just left me!”

“What is wrong with the Commander?” Eren deadpanned.

“He’s an emotional drunk.” Hanji quipped.

Erwin pulled Levi into a bone-crushing bear hug, lifting and spinning him around.

“What the fuck are you doing, Erwin!? PUT ME DOWN!”

“Why? You’re so loveable~ You little Levi~”

Levi stopped yelling, his face morphing into something from Armin’s worst nightmares.

 

“I will fucking kill you.”

 

He jabbed his fist right below Erwin’s ribcage. Erwin doubled over in pain, and Levi took the chance to slip out of his iron grip.

“You’re an asshole, Levi.” Erwin choked out.

“I’m the asshole to your person, though.” Levi replied.

“Aww, that makes my asshole warm~.”

Never in his life had Armin wanted to be deaf more than in this moment.

He edged away, and it’s a good thing he did, because that’s when Hanji grabbed the punch bowl, and started rushing for Eren. “Drinkkkkk itttttt!” Oh god, she sounded possessed. “It’s in the name of science!!”

Understandably, Eren screamed and ran the opposite direction. Hanji gave chase, causing a demonic expression to morph across Mikasa’s face. “Hanji…” She snarled before dashing after them.

Armin edged further away, until he bumped into something warm. Turning, he found Jean draped over the table, sobs muffled by the cloth. “S-She thinks I’m ugly!! I’m ugly, aren’t I!?”

“N-No, of course not!!” Armin stammered.

He banged his fist against the table so hard several cups hit the floor. “I look like a horse!!”

“Don’t say that!!” Armin awkwardly gave his shoulder two pats.

Jean looked deep into Armin’s eyes, “Are you my guardian angel?”

“...Sure.”

In a swift movement, Jean hopped onto table, pulling Armin up with him. Then, he lifted him up by his armpits, Armin facing Jean.

“BEHOLD PEASANTS!! MY GUARDIAN ANGLE!! ISN’T SHE GORGEOUS!!?”

Armin wondered when he’d been downgraded from an angel to an angle.

“Get off the table ya horse looking bastard!!” Someone yelled, slinging a paper cup into his head.

“HAH!??”

Jean dropped Armin, pouncing off the table and into the crowd.

 

There was a lot of screaming.

 

Armin scooted on his hands and knees until he was practically underneath the table.

 

Bottles smashed, nearly drowning out the cursing. People punched and shoved, spit and slung food--Sasha diving to catch each piece before it could touch the floor.

 

“All of you knock it off!!” Erwin’s authoritative voice rung through the cafeteria, bringing the chaos to a stop. “Wasting our precious resources… People are starving to death, have you no shame!!?”

 

Utter silence.

 

 **_“AAAAAAAAAAAA!!”_ ** He let out an earsplitting roar, flexing his muscles so hard his--

 

His…

 

Oh god, his clothes tore off. All except a--

 

Oh dear lord.

 

A pink shark-print speedo.

 

“Nice thighs Commander!!” Hanji hooted from somewhere amongst the crowd. “They’re so lucious!! I would give up my humanity for dem thighs!!”

 

The earlier aggression faded as several people started hurling compliments his way.

 

Erwin posed, hands on his hips and head held high.

 

Armin wanted to go home.

 

“Armin!!”

 

His heart leapt into his throat when a warm breath brushed his neck. He yelped, raising his arms to defend himself, but found only Eren and Mikasa.

 

“C’mon, we’re gonna sneak out of here.”

 

Armin sniffled, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. They came back for him. “You guys…”

They smiled warmly at him, and Eren nodded.

Wiping his eyes on his sleeve, Armin joined them, and they began their escape attempt.

After ten minutes of crawling, they managed to reach the other side of the room. Now, all they had to do was make it out the door. Eren and Mikasa watched him expectantly.

He was devising a plan when something _thumped_ above their heads.

Levi knelt on the floor, one hand still clutching the table. “What are you brats doing now?”

“C-Corporal Levi…” Eren stammered.

Armin’s lips twisted into a relieved smile. _Thank god,_ He thought. _The Corporal’s still sober! Surely he can help us!_

He thought wrong.

“Yo, Hanji, Erwin, the brats are hunting for shit or something under the tables!”

“HUNTING FOR TITANS!!?”

“Hanji, I doubt titans could fit under the table. If you want to find one, you’ll have to check the town.” Erwin said in an helpful tone that wasn’t very helpful.

 

Hanji jumped, “WOOHOO!! LET’S GO!!”

 

Hanji grabbed Eren’s arm and rushed outside. Mikasa bolted after them, her eyes practically shooting lasers at her. Armin sighed, and dragged behind with Erwin and Levi.

After two minutes of silence, Erwin nodded slowly, and grabbed Armin’s shoulder. “You know, Armin, I could--I could totally be your father.”

“..What?”

“Our eyebrows!!” Erwin gestured to his, then to Armin’s repeatedly.

“Riiightt.” Just how drunk was he?

“I command you to call me ‘father’ from now on!!”

“U-Uh… I think I’m good, sir…”

“What? _‘Sir’?_ Did you just call me _‘sir’?_ Was I not a good father to you in these last few seconds!!?”

“No, you were great!!” Flustered, Armin raised his palms as though to create a barrier between them.

“Ok, then call me ‘father’.”

 

Armin sighed.

 

“Will you!?” Erwin yelled dramatically.

 

“Fine, alright, ok…  father.”

 

Erwin’s scowl melted into a blinding smile, “MY SON!!”

 

He wrapped him up in a bear hug.

 

Armin couldn’t breath. Whether it was the iron grip, or his disgust for being hugged by a man in nothing but a speedo, only time could tell.

 

“Oi, shitty brat, shitty eyebrows,” Levi said, rescuing him. “Let’s get a move on.”

Erwin released Armin, tucking his arms over his bare chest. “What the fuck did you just call me?”

Armin put a good five feet between them.

“You heard me, shitty eyebrows.”

Erwin’s eyes glistened, “Oh my god!! You just called me _‘shitty eyebrows’!!”_

“Yes I did, shitty eyebrows.”

“After everything we’ve been through!?”

Levi rolled his eyes, “Like what?”

“After we joined the scouts together!!” Erwin bawled into his palms.

“YOU FUCKING MADE ME JOIN, ERWIN!!” 

“How about our dream to see the ocean!?” He looked into the distance, resting his hands at his chest. “Was that all a lie, too!?" 

“Erwin, you’ve got the wrong characters, that’s Armin and Eren!!”

“Please stop breaking the fourth wall,” Armin grumbled beneath his breath. “This fanfic is already a mess as it is.”

Meanwhile, Eren frowned deeply, oblivious to the fact he’s not in canon, and likely extremely out of character. “How do you know that?”

“You talk in your sleep, brat. I could hear you the whole time I had to guard your sorry ass.” Levi crossed his arms. “Always mumbling about ‘killing all the titans’ and ‘seeing the ocean.’”

Armin cringed. As the main character of this fic, he had to repair the fourth wall. Somehow, he had to make this mess make sense. “Sir, you… know about the ocean?”

“Of course I know about the ocean. Who do you take me for you shitty know-it-all?” Then he went on in a tone inaudible to everyone but Armin. “Note to self, look up what an ‘ocean’ is.”

“Hold up!! So, Armin gets ‘shitty know-it-all, but I get ‘shitty eyebrows’? I’m really hurt, Levi! Or SHOULD _I_ CALL _YOU_ ‘SHITTY SHORTY’ FROM NOW ON!?”

Levi’s face morphed into rage, “OH MY FUCK, ERWIN, IF YOU CALL ME THAT I WILL FEED YOU TO THE TITANS MYSELF!!”

“Titans!?” Hanji yelled, frantically looking around. “Did someone say titans!? Where!!? Nothing?” She seemed disappointed for a tenth of a second, then her eyes lit up. “Aha! There it is!” She snatched a shovel that had been leaning against an old shop, then charged the wall. “The wall! We’re here!!”

Much to Armin’s horror, Hanji bolted for the wall, shovel raised above her head.

“I’m coming Titans!!”

She slammed the tip against the concrete, again and again, chipping away at it. Levi and Erwin regarded her actions with indifference, instead, returning to their bickering.

“Hey!! Don’t do that!!” Eren tried to take the shovel, but apparently, her grip was every bit as strong as her love for titans.

 

“I’M BREAKING THROUGH, I CAN SEE THE TITANS!! WOOHOO!!” She lifted her shovel in the air and Erwin snatched it from her.

 

“Hey!!” She cried. “That’s mine!!”

Eren released a breath. “Good going--”

Erwin brought it around, and started smashing it against the wall harder than Hanji had. “No Hanji, _this_ is how it’s done!!” 

Great. At this rate, the fourth wall wasn’t going to be the only wall broken around here. Why try? This fic was a lost cause. His wish to repair this mess hadn’t even lasted two pages.

Armin was wondering what else these two writers could possibly make go wrong, when he heard someone shout: “I SEE YOU MY GUARDIAN ANIMAL!!”

Seriously? Was that Jean? Armin turned, and low and behold, he was staggering to them--Connie and Sasha not far behind.

Now I’m an animal. Thanks girls.

“Eyebrows, where’s my trusty steed?” Levi pointedly ignored them, his eyebrows pinched together. “I thought we rode him here?”

 Was there a scene like that?

“Hm? Oh yea, I got you.” Erwin passed the shovel to Hanji and lifted Levi, placing him promptly on  a very confused Jean’s shoulders.

“AH YES! MY SHITTY HORSE! ONWORDS WE GO!!”

“I KNEW IT!!” Jean whaled as he began running laps around Armin. “I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING HORSE!!”

“Guys…” Armin stammered. “Come on now, we don’t wanna wreck anything.. Please stop hitting the wall...”

Jean stopped so suddenly he nearly toppled over. “The… The apple is right!” He slurred, raising a wobbly finger. “We should listen to it!”

 _Please just choose a species already,_ Armin groaned inwardly.

Levi looked up into the sky, “I wonder how Benny is.”

Benny?

“Oh yea, I wonder if he ever fixed up the place? But then again, if it’s fixed right now it’s gonna be hard to manage considering it’s in Shiganshina.” Erwin chortled.

Why did that sound so--

His mind flew back to this evening, when he and Eren were cleaning the study. _“Yeah,”_ Eren had said. _“Apparently they always end up getting out of hand. Remember last year, in Shiganshina, when Benny’s trade shop got completely demolished? That was the Scouts.”_  

No way.

“Good ol’ Benny!!” Hanji cackled. “I remember his shop!! It was so fun to DESTROY!!”

Oh my god. That wasn’t just some random scene filler!? 

“OI! WHAT HELL ARE YOU HEATHENS DOING TO WALL ROSE!!?” Barked a stern voice.

A man in a black robe was marching closer, several other robed people at his heels.

“Whatever the heck we want to.” Levi spat in a way that would’ve been intimidating if he weren’t currently sitting on Jean’s shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah!!” Hanji howled, leaping into the air with each word. “Tell those wall worshipping loons!!”

“Erwin, if you please.”

 Erwin set Levi on the ground, leaving Jean to slump over in exhaustion.

Why we’re on this subject, it was kind of cruel to make him carry Levi around this whole time--even if he didn’t weigh much. And seriously you two, enough with the horse jokes! The guy was already crying earlier! You’ve taken his dignity, what more do you want!?

Levi stomped to the robed men, “You can’t tell us what to do, we’re the fucking SC!”

Some of robed men whispered to each other:

“ _Oh god._ ”

“ _It’s their annual Reverence party._ ”

“ _Are our kids safe?_ ”

Armin sighed. At least they tied the extremely misleading title in somehow.

The guy in the middle of the group pointed the tip of his staff at them. “I don’t care what time of year it is, step away from our sacred wall!!”

Levi dug his heel into the ground. “I want you to make us, you shitheads.”

 _Did Levi say shit this much in Canon?,_ Armin wondered distantly, as Erwin and Hanji joined him in front of the wall worshipers.

A hand grabbed his shoulder. “Hey, Armin, this is getting bad. Maybe we should go.” Eren whispered. 

“There’s no point in going.”

Mikasa’s brows furrowed. “Why not, Armin?” 

“I give up.”

“Huh!?” They inquired in unison.

“This is all fake anyways, so it doesn’t matter!!” Armin waved his fist at them. “HEY YOU WALL BASTARDS, YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS!!” 

He charged, ignoring Levi’s yell for him to stop. At least make me strong in this!! Preferably at Mikasa’s level!

The guy in front spun his staff around, whacking Armin upside the head, and sending him tumbling into a pile of barrels.

Ah. Thanks for nothing. 

“GUARDIAN ACHILLES!!” He heard Jean wail somewhere far off.

At least I’m a Greek hero now.

He allowed his face to hit the ground. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness, was his friends tackling the robed men, and Eren screaming like the angry kid he is.

* * *

His eyes flickered open, weak at first, then shooting wide. He bolted up, cradling his head in his hands when a bolt of pain stabbed at his temples. 

He didn’t care. This fanfic was still not over yet!?

Please just let it end!!

“Armin, you’re finally up?”

He blinked. It was Eren. But something was off. He sounded... weak?

He scanned the area, surprised to find everyone laying sprawled on the ground. The building that had been around them were naught but rubble now. 

“What.. happened?” He asked, not sure if he really wanted to know.

“Lost control.” Eren choked out. “Wrecked town.”

Armin’s mouth fell. “I-Is everyone--?

“Marco saved us.” Connie murmured, eyes boring into the midnight sky.

“Marco?” But he was supposed to have already died by now. Did you two resurrect him for some _half_ -assed joke!?

Shit. Armin felt betrayed. Armin felt lied to. 

“He came from the sky.” Sasha slurred, hands outstretched as though she thought she could grab the clouds.

“He must’ve saw what was happening from... up there...” Jean murmured softly. “He’s my real guardian angel.”

What the--!? Did you two seriously just turn that running gag into a touching moment!?

“All right, shut up brats and take one.” Levi said, gesturing to a row of cups set in front of him. Each one was filled halfway with alcohol. 

That last one wasn’t even intentional, was it?

The others did so, Mikasa passing Armin his. 

“To Marco.” Erwin said, holding his cup above his head.

Where did they even get the alcohol?

“To Marco.” They repeated, raising their own. 

Armin released a long sigh. That’s how you two want to end this?

 

Fine.

 

At least it was over.

 

He held his cup up. “To Marco.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!! (=ﾟωﾟ)ﾉ


End file.
